he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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