I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
