Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
