my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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