I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
