No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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