But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
