White coat. Heels.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize