When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
