He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
