bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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