He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
