don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
