I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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