I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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