Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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