i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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