I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
