i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
