told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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