the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
