I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
