i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
