Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
and she was petting her beer can
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
