an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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