I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
