THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
