I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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