Jerry, you need to find god
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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