Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
