Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
