Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
