When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Randomize
