she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
