Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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