Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
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