A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
