I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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