all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
