I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
