I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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