awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
