Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
