Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
