I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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