What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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