I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
