So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
