My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
