she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
