If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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