just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So much rum. So many feels.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
