Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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