Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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