My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
