my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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