I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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