I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
