Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
