I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
