dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
