he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
