I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
