for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
