Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
