this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
