im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
