with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
