Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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