actually, I'm a sock model
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
