I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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