yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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